FACES

The FACES Project is a collection of black and white photographs of survivors of Sexual Assault and/or Domestic Violence on display in downtown Fort Collins every April hosted by the Sexual Assault Victims Advocacy, SAVA. They asked if I would be willing to participate, initially, I declined not wanting my darkest secret on display for the world to see. At the last minute realizing how instrumental SAVA is in what they do to promote the strength of survivors of a silent crime, I agreed to do the photoshoot to help promote awareness that this can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime, in the blink of an eye regardless of how prepared you think you may be.

Assault has no biases, it's not limited to social class, occupation, sex, race, or religion. It crosses all boundaries. Rape is a violent crime that changes the path of the victim forever. When I inadvertently fell into law enforcement, I took a moral oath to protect women and children and others who could not protect themselves. To be a voice, when they had none. Yet even with all of the training under my belt, what happened on February 26th, 2014 in Pagosa Springs, spiraled my life into a place where I was blind in seeing the obvious. I understand now how it affected every choice I've made since that moment.

Healing begins only when we open up and recognize that even when we want to be strong, refusing to be a "victim" it will be vulnerability that restores our inner light. It's a challenging road, yet the enlightenment and freedom are worth it. You can force your mind to forget or overlook what happened, and you can force yourself to think that you are not affected, but ultimately you are only fooling yourself. Your body and psyche are etched. Adapt and overcome. 

Abuse in any form is a crime against the soul. I refuse to be defined by the selfish, hurtful acts of others. I am a survivor of a horrific crime and it has taught me so much. For that I am fortunate. I believe that every positive and negative experience in our life is somehow divinity for the purpose of growing and becoming more humane, compassionate, and understanding.  

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as a Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced or cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus

~William Ernest Henley

Washing my hands of the cruelty I was trained to recognize and became a survivor of.

**Deepest gratitude to the Fort Collins Police Department, UCHealth, SAVA, Dr. Mandel, and all the others who devote their lives to selflessly investing themselves to protect, serve, and healing the mind and soul from traumas that are unfathomable.